Signs of the World:


In a Tokyo Hotel:  Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read
notis.

In another Japanese hotel room:  Please to bathe inside the
tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:  The lift is being fixed for the
next day. During that time we regret that you will be
unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and
only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button
for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons,
each one should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:  Please leave your values at the
front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:  Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:  The flattening of underwear with
pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:  You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:  You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous
Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried
daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:  Our wines leave you nothing
to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:  Salad a firm's own make; limpid
red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country
people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:  For your convenience, we recommend
courteous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:  Ladies may have a fit
upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:  Order your summers suit.  Because is
big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:  There will be a Moscow
Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and
sculptors.  These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper:  A new swimming pool is rapidly
taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of
their workers.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the
hotel porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:  It is strictly
forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in
one tent unless they are married with each other for that
purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining
guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that
the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:  Teeth extracted by
the latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:  A lot of water
has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In a Rome laundry:  Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend
the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:  Take one of our
horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:  Would you like to
ride on your own ass?

In the window of a Swedish furrier:  Fur coats made for ladies
from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:  Guaranteed to
work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn:  Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:  We take your bags and
send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:  If this is your first
visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:  Ladies are requested not to
have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo:  Please do not feed the animals.  If you
have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor:  Specialist in women and other
diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the
water served here.

In a Tokyo shop:  Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll
find they are best in the long run.

>From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:  Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of
warm in your room, please control yourself.

>From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:  When passenger
of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage
then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.


 


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