Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.
     
There are three kinds of people in the world -- those who can count, and 
those
who can't.
     
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
     
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
     
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
     
For people who like peace and quiet:  A phoneless cord.
     
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
     
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?   (My personal favorite)
     
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
     
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, so the rest have to drown too?
     
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
     
Help Wanted:  Telepath.  You know where to apply.
     
Bedget:  A method for going broke methodically.
     
Shin:  A device for finding furniture in the dark.
     
Department of Redunant Repitition Department
     
Headline:  Bear takes over park in Pooh D'Etat (Okay, maybe this is my 
favorite)
     
Cannot find REALITY.SYS.  Universe halted.
     
Buy a pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
     
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
     
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
     
My software never has bugs.  It just develpos random features.
     
C:\DOS  C:\DOS\RUN  RUN DOS\RUN
     
The Definition of an Upgrade:  Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
     
Does fuzzy logic tickle.
     
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?  I think not!
     
Windows:  Just abother pane in the glass.
     
Who's General Protection and why's he trying to read my disk?
     
Ultimate office automation:  Networked coffee (or tea)
     
All computers wait at the same speed.
     
Definition:  Computer -- A device designed to speed and automate errors.
     
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