The following list of student misunderstandings of science was published 
in the January 1996 issue of Popular Science. All spelling errors are part 
of the original quote. I'm posting it under this topic because I don't 
know where else it would fit.
     
     
*******Not Quite The Facts*******
     
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
     
For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your 
throat.
     
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
     
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
     
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
     
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. 
Hydrogin is gin and water.
     
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
     
H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
     
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or 
negative.
     
The moon is a planet just like Earth, only it is even deader.
     
Artificial insemination is when a farmer does it to the cow instead of the 
bull.
     
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them 
perspire.
     
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
     
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
     
The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the 
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the 
heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels of which 
there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
     
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
     
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
     
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been take out and the 
outsides have been taken off.  The purpose of the skeleton is something to 
hitch meat to.
     
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two 
molars, and eight cuspidors.
     
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the moon. All water tends 
toward the moon , because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors 
a vacuum. I forgot where the sun joins in this fight.
     
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
     
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the 
hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical 
doctor.
     
Equator: A managerie lion running around Earth through Africa.
     
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
     
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
     
Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
     
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
     
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
     
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
     
Respiration is composed of inspiration and them expectoration.
     
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
     
For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops.
     
To prevent contraception: Wear a condominium.
     
Blood flows down one leg and up the other. 

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