IF OPERATING SYSTEMS WERE BEER........
     
     
DOS BEER
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the 
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 
8-ounce can, but now comes in a 16-ounce can. However, the can is divided 
into eight compartments of 2 ounces each, which have to be accessed 
separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going 
to keep drinking it after it's non longer available.
     
     
MAC BEER
At first, came only in a 16-ounce can, but now comes in a 32-ounce can. 
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. 
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list 
is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told 
that "you don't need to know". A notice on the side reminds you to drag 
your empties to the trash can.
     
WINDOWS 3.1 BEER
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-ounce can that looks a lot like 
Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it 
allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you 
can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are 
drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no 
reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
     
OS/2 BEER
Comes in a 32-ounce can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers 
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, 
but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open 
them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 
Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 
9 million six-packs have been sold.
     
WINDOWS 95 BEER
A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can 
looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. 
It comes in 32-ounce cans, but when you look inside, the cans have only 
16 ounces of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking 
Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they 
like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some 
of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer, even though the 
manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
     
     
WINDOWS NT BEER
Comes in 32-ounce cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This 
causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The 
can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to 
change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer. Touted as an 
"industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
     
UNIX BEER
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 ounces to 64 
ounces. Drinkers of UNIX Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though 
they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. 
Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have 
to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you 
either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been 
drinking UNIX Beer for several years.
     
AMIGADOS BEER
The company has gone out of business, but its recipe has been picked up by 
some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer 
never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't 
understand marketing. Like UNIX Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely 
loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-ounce can, but now comes 
in 32-ounce cans, too. When this can was originally introduced, it 
appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the 
years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only 
meant for watching TV anyway.
     
VMS BEER
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. 
However, cans have been known on occasion to explode, or possibly contain 
extremely un-beerlike contents.
     
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