WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?
     
     General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know 
     how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- 
     but imagine if they did . . .
     
     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" 
     CUSTOMER:  "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing 
     happened!" HELPLINE:  "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and 
     turn it?" CUSTOMER:  "What's an ignition?"
     HELPLINE:  "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery 
     and
     turns over the engine."
     CUSTOMER:  "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have 
     to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?" 
     ---------------------------------------
     
     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
     CUSTOMER:  "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" 
     HELPLINE:  "Is the gas tank empty?"
     CUSTOMER:  "Huh?  How do I know!?"
     HELPLINE:  "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, 
     and
     markings from 'E' to 'F.'  Where is the needle pointing?" 
     CUSTOMER:  "It's pointing to 'E.'  What does that mean?"
     HELPLINE:  "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and 
     purchase
     some more gasoline.  You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to 
     install it for you."
     CUSTOMER:  "What!?"  I paid $12,000. for this car!  Now you tell me 
     that I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that comes 
     with everything built in!"
     ----------------------------------------
     
     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER:  
     "Your cars suck!"
     HELPLINE:  "What's wrong?"
     CUSTOMER:  "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" HELPLINE:  "What were 
     you doing?"
     CUSTOMER:  "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator 
     pedal all the way to the floor.  It worked for a while, and then it 
     crashed -- and now it won't start!"
     HELPLINE:  "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What 
     do you
     expect us to do about it?"
     CUSTOMER:  "I want you to send me one of the latest version that 
     doesn't crash anymore!"
     --------------------------------------------
     
     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER:  
     "Hi!  I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
     because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, 
     power brakes, and power door locks."
     HELPLINE:  "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?" CUSTOMER: 
      "How do I work it?"
     HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?" CUSTOMER:  "Do I know how to 
     what?"
     HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?"
     CUSTOMER:  "I'm not a technical person!  I just want to go places in 

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