Here is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London 
hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted 
this to the Sunday Times.
No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since 
I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove the six unopened little 
bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower 
soap dish.  They are in my way. Thank you,
   S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid.  She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day 
off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. 
The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex 
dispenser in case you should change your mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I 
left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps 
daily.  I hope this is satisfactory.
        Kathy, Relief Maid
Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid,
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little 
bars of soap.  When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 
little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.  I am going to be here 
in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't 
need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf.  They are in my way when 
shaving, brushing teeth, etc.  Please remove them.
        S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are 
instructed by the management.  I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on 
the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was.  I put the Dial 
in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 
complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for 
all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last 
Monday.  Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
        Your regular maid,
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him 
last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.  I have assigned 
a new girl to your room.  I hope you will accept my apologies for any past 
inconvenience.  If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can 
give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank 
        Elaine Carmen
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business 
at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM.  That's the reason I called 
Mr. Kensedder last night.  You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. 
Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap.  The new 
maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she 
left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her 
regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf.  In just 5 days here I have 
accumulated 24 little bars of soap.  Why are you doing this to me?
        S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and 
remove the extra soaps.  If I can be of further assistance, please call 
extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.  Thank you,
        Elaine Carmen,
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap was taken from my room 
including my own bath-size Dial.  I came in late last night and had to call 
the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
        S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.  I 
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are 
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The 
situation will be rectified immediately.  Please accept my apologies for the 
        Martin L. Kensedder
   Assistant Manager
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?  I came in last night 
and found 54 little bars of soap.  I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.  I 
want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial.  Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap 
in here.  All I want is my bath size Dial.  Please give me back my bath-size 
        S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.  Then you 
complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally 
returned them.  The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are 
supposed to receive daily (sic).  I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere 
Bouquets.  Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps 
so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.  I don't know where you 
got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some 
bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
        Elaine Carmen
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
  On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. 
  On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
  On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size
     Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
  Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. 
  In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
  On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. 
  On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly 
piled and dusted.  Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a 
tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and 
will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have 
purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault 
in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
        S. Berman

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